Some say that liars are revealed by their eyes. Some say that a person is paying attention if they are staring at one another's eyes. Some say, in ridiculous metaphors, that eyes are the windows to soul. To such comments they nod, by those comments they judge others, and with those comments assailed I am, I, the Spirit of Fire, one who desires to be so dazzling that none on the Earth shall venture to look straight.

It is true, my friends and enemies, I have never in my life made an eye contact with someone who is talking at me for longer than the count of five. However, I am obliged to say this, noble ones, my avoiding eye contact is not due to my dishonesty, but theirs. Yea, I know that you shall all scorn me for what you will assume to be my tall lies, yet hearken, it was when I was very young that I first learnt to read minds. I cannot tell you why, I cannot tell you how, I cannot even dare utter the sacred name of the Great One who told me how to.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I muttered venomously to the person who I was sure was staring me beyond the screen, fingering the lint in the pocket of my jacket with such enthusiasm that it soon was reduced into a small, grey ball composed of interwoven fibres. Every time I saw what he did anywhere, I felt as if I could burn myself from the anger just the presence of him seemed to invoke in me. I did not know why he made me so wrathful, anyway;there was no real reason at all. For three years we have known each other, though I disagreed with him on so many aspects that we both were so sick of arguments after just ten minutes of talking to each other.

I tapped my glasses lightly again. The heap of dust that had accumulated on its rims in the last week fell down. I seldom even rose from that seat very much those days. This made both my house and my body filthier than they had ever been;lints were as common in my house as all those eight hundred books lying around. My mother tried to clean the room when she bothered to visit my school, but it was no use anyway. In less than one hour, everything looked just as horrible as it had been before she visited me. This, along with my tendency to keep myself quiet when I was with strangers, was the main reason I never had any intimate friends. I could talk to my friends, but I could never, never ever in my life invite any of my friends to my house, though I could not tell any of this to people who kept fussing about how antisocial I was.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was past midnight when it all happened, the conflict that I never knew would completely shatter and re-shape my life and my future. Dark was the sky behind thick covers of cloud that were stained as red as blood, and though it was near the full moon, I could not even see a strand of light strong enough to break through such thick walls. On the darkest night of all darknesses, on the night when the air that surrounded me was as thick as the bowl of brown, bitter potion I drank the evening,on the night when everything in the world was either asleep or nonexistent except for me and them, I was staring at the glimmer of the pale LCD as if it were hypnotizing me. Before that night everything around me was shining with unearthly passion, everything looked as if it was a gift from the ethereal depths. However, the darkest night, a night darker than blindness, a night in which everything was losing its own shape and colour to fade inth the deepest Abyss, changed everything in the world that granted my life, thus changing me. Still straring stubbornly at the LCD, a flash of realization suddenly came to shine in front of my weary, resolutely open eyes.

Among the graveyards of all I have once believed in, among the dscaying, though still distasteful, smell of rotting visions and feelings, what kept me walking was the one truth, the one realization that never even left my mind afterwards. I knew exactly why I was alive, and exactly what I should do;I, from then on, knew that I lived solely to take revenge on what never let me stay in the blue sky of my youth, fluttering little wings that would never mature.

이올린에 북마크하기